The Funniest Lines From 'Christmas Vacation'
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The Funniest Lines From 'Christmas Vacation'

Amy Boal
Updated January 15, 2025 264.8K views 60 items
Ranked By
36.1K votes
5.6K voters
Voting Rules
Vote up the best single lines from this incredible, classic, dare we say "iconic," example of fine American filmmaking.

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation is quite possibly the best Christmas movie of all time. Sure, there are other classics, but few have the distinction of being such an incredibly quotable film. Rich with turns of phrase about "the sh*tter," Tylenol, dump trucks, and other holiday merriment, Christmas Vacation is John Hughes, screenwriter for the ages, at his finest.

What are the best lines in Christmas Vacation? How does a fan even decide? Sure, Clark (Chevy Chase) and Cousin Eddie (Randy Quaid) carry the film, but maybe you feel a strong affinity for Aunt Bethany and Uncle Lewis, or even find yourself partial to the select few zingers thrown about by Juliette Lewis as over-it teen Audrey Griswold. The good news is there are no wrong answers, and all funny Christmas Vacation quotes are deserving of your votes.

Why is the carpet all wet? Is Rusty still in the Navy? Have you saved the neck for Eddie? Help rank the funniest quotes from Christmas Vacation below by voting up the lines you repeat to patient friends and family members all year long.

Happy Hanukkah.

Ranked by
  • 1

    When Santa squeezes his fat white a** down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of a**holes this side of the nuthouse!

    Clark Griswold
    1,335 votes
  • 2

    Merry Christmas. Sh*tter was full!

    Cousin Eddie
    1,370 votes
  • 3

    Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?

    Clark Griswold
    1,093 votes
  • 4

    Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no! We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f*cking Kaye.

    Clark Griswold
    1,107 votes
  • 5

    Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my a**. Kiss his a**. Kiss your a**. Happy Hanukkah.

    Clark Griswold
    956 votes
  • 6

    Surprised, Eddie?... If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now.

    Clark Griswold
    1,022 votes