The 17 Weirdest Royal Jobs That Actually Exist

Well you didn’t expect the Queen to cut her own meat, did you? The royal household maintains the position of Grand Carver, which literally just designates someone to carve up the roast meat on special occasions. The role is currently held by the Earls of Denbigh and Desmond. Grand Carver is a hereditary position, because apparently the gift of evenly slicing poultry is a genetic one.

There’s also the separate position of Master Carver of Scotland, because clearly it's just that important.

Okay, so it might not be an official position, but one of the Queen’s wardrobe staffers is responsible for breaking in her heels. And for such a burdensome task, surely an honorary title is deserved. Stewart Parvin, the Queen's dress designer, explained that it’s only necessary for the Queen to have her shoes broken in so she won’t grow uncomfortable during her many events.

The woman is also 90 years old, so the world probably wouldn’t begrudge her the occasional ballet flat.

One thing the British Monarchy truly excels at is creating fancy, bullsh*t titles for mundane jobs. The Royal Horological Conservator is actually the Royal Clock Winder. If you haven’t noticed by now, the Queen isn’t generally one to favor modernity over tradition. So rather than using a digital clock, she hires someone to maintain and set over 1,000 clocks in Buckingham Palace and the other royal residences.

That constant tick-tocking plus the morning bagpipe performance is starting to make the palace sound like a downright noisy place to live.

Historically, this position was filled by one person and was titled Keeper of the Swans. But in 1993 it was decided that swan duty was simply not a one-man job, and thus the separate positions of Warden of the Swans and Marker of the Swans were created. These two are responsible for the annual “Swan-Upping Ceremony.”

Originally, this meant the swans on the River Thames were rounded up as a delicious banquet snack. But now the event is much more animal-friendly, and the Queen’s swans are simply gathered for a census and health check. Yes, another perk of being Queen of England is that you just automatically own all of the swans.

Back in 1675, King Charles II appointed the first Astronomer Royal, John Flamsteed, to map out “the motions of the heavens.” Sure, piece of cake. Today, with iPhone apps that can label the constellations, one might think the position of Astronomer Royal would fall by the wayside. Yet the prestigious role still exists and is currently held by Martin Rees.

Though largely a ceremonial figure, he is responsible for advising the sovereign on all astronomical matters as needed.

The Pages of Honour are responsible for carrying the Queen’s long, heavy train during ceremonial occasions. That’s pretty much it. The position is usually given to teenage sons of nobility or senior members of the royal household. Because every teen boy dreams of dressing up like a nutcracker and carrying an old lady’s robes around all day, right?

In 2014, while the Queen was in the middle of a speech, one of her Pages of Honour apparently fainted to the floor beside her. She reportedly glanced over at him briefly and then just continued on with her speech.