Ex-Cons Describe The Craziest Sh*t They Witnessed While In Prison

mobbindeer talked about a celly's sweet dreams: 

"I had a cell mate who talked in his sleep. My first night in that cell I woke up to "I'm a f*cking murderer I'm gonna f*ckin' kill you." I was in the top bunk, so I looked down and said, "What's up man?" He woke up and said, "huh"?

He actually was an alright guy when he was awake, but I think he was dyslexic or something because he kept on taking my sandals."

detroitVSeverybody talked about this alternative use for coffee:

"County jail, but some of the girls would order coffee from their canteen and snort it, which led to them staying up all night 'meow'ing to each other."

One deleted user tells about the everyday boredom of jail life:

"Well, I was in county jail for a while, and it's nowhere near as interesting as you'd think. A lot of grown men laughing at [gas] over and over again, playing cards, and reading. Most people in county aren't doing a long time so they just want to get out.

My bunkie got Xanax a few times and we took it, that was about the most exciting thing."

From another deleted user:

"The two gay guys got into a big argument in the hall at the pill window. Inmate 1 had been spreading rumors that Inmate 2 had AIDS. This was ruining Inmate 2's prostitution hustle. They got back to out barracks and Inmate 2 went to his bunk and got... a bundle of sharpened pencils wrapped with tape and string etc. He attacked Inmate 1 from behind, trying to stab him in the neck. Inmate 1 realized something was happening and turned. The pencils instead ripped his ear off. He grabbed his head in shock. Inmate 2 bent over grabbed the ear and flushed it down the toilet.

Inmate 1 grabbed a metal mop from the cleaning supply alcove and beat Inmate 2 with it so bad that it bent the mop in half. We wore solid white uniforms and you can imagine the blood spurting everywhere. The only guard on our door was a short fat woman. She slammed the door shut from the outside and did nothing to stop the fight (can't say I blame her with all the real cases of Hepatitis and HIV etc.) Finally male guards ran down, but even they waited until the fight was over to do anything. All I cared about at the time was going to visitation. It was a Saturday and Nana had come 4 hours to see me and I was worried about that hall being locked down for the day."

bunzablaze1990 was locked up with a mischievous imp:

"Had a short guy bunked with me. Not a dwarf, just really short. He made a thong out of a t-shirt and would wear it around when new guys showed up to mess with it them. He'd walk up to there cells wrapped in a blanket like he was cold, then take it off and kinda pose a little before he started talking to them. He called it a "mong" because it was man thong. Sometimes he'd walk into someone's cell and crawl on the bunk with them while they were sleeping for a brief second before he jumped up saying, "Oh sh*t, this isn't my bunk!"

We always played along like he was a crack-addicted rapist."

From user BruteOne:

"Every day when I looked in the mirror, I saw a defeated person. Each day seemed to be a little worse.

Getting to see the same people daily for two years was for a time like having friends. This was a new experience for me. Some days did not seem so bad.

Being released was lonelier than it should have been."